We often hear of gay men supporting the GOP plan to strip homosexuals of legal protections, of preachers and Republican congressmen cheating on their wives, of right-wing moralizers dropping tens of thousands a night at the casino, of fake White House reporters who double as gay escorts... the list goes on.
All this leads me to suspect that many of the authoritarians who are up in arms over homosexuality, porn, and gambling are deeply conflicted. I theorize that they want oppressive laws against these things either 1) to deprive themselves of the opportunity for indulging, or 2) to punish themselves for indulging.
You know what I mean. The guy says "it's not my fault that I cheated on you, Honey, it's the fault of the police for letting young girls wear low-cut jeans. Damn liberals!"
Or maybe he's thinking, "if I hadn't known that guy was gay, I would never have ended up in bed with him. Those gay guys are threatening my family life by turning me gay!"
Or maybe, "I tried to fight porn in the legislature, but, because of all those liberals, I couldn't stop myself ordering a copy of 'Asian Sexaholics'. We need stronger laws and longer prison terms to stop me from ordering this stuff!"
Last night's Daily Show featured a story about a NASCAR fan (see Gays of Thunder) who lamented the "gayification" (as Samantha Bee put it) of the sport. Apparently, one driver has Fructis hair care products as a sponsor. The troubled fan described NASCAR as standing for good, clean America, implying by his complaint that gays aren't good, clean or American. Viewers can see the irony coming a mile away. The NASCAR fan is totally gay. Actually, he says he's converted to heterosexuality. Yeah right.
The next time you meet a right-winger demanding Iran-style government action against harmless vices, calmly suggest he or she go for counseling.